Surviving Abuse-My Testimonial

It’s been four months since we broke up, I’m still healing from the wound. They say that once you love someone you always love someone. It’s common right now to hurt, to cry once a while, to miss the person you love. But it’s too late to go back. We got divorced and then we got back together three different times. It’s simply wouldn’t work between us.

Each time talk to him or see him I try to convince myself he was a good guy and you never meant to hurt me and he didn’t hurt me. But I know the truth inside. Even though I really don’t want to admit it, it happened. Being thrown to the floor by your shove was too much to handle so I left. Once I came back he said I was coming at him–all of the 6 foot tall three hundred pounds, and you pushed for your own protection. I landed on the ice on one side and rolled over to the other as it was so slick. I bruised my buttocks and both sides of my legs. It DID happen. He said he was only defending himself and didn’t have a choice. I laid on the ice and I cried out loud he came to the door and called out get in here the neighbors are going to hear you crying. Maybe he had realized the multitude of what he had done. I was too scared to leave and wanted to believe that he loved me, like any other person who has been through abuse, so came back in the house and listen to his excuses of why he pushed me. I was too scared to call shorties and too scared to leave. We were living on his income and so I stayed and I stayed.

I have denied the happenings that happened between us with the hope that we could reconcile. But it is time to come out with the truth to myself and to God to allow me to heal honestly. Many other things happened that were physical in the first house we lived. You threw me on the floor, the hardwood floor. My ego was hurt more than anything and my heart was too.

I called my best friend and told her and I don’t know what I expected her to say. She basically said, “Oh, he did, I’m sorry.” What was she supposed to say? Leave him, come to my house? She knew that I really cared about him and she had been abused before herself and didn’t leave.

Any kind of abuse seems to paralyze a person and makes them think they’re less than they are, that they are not capable of living independently and on their own. The abuser is really a protector that loves them and will take care of them and how could they live about without them. The whole control abusers have on you is unbelievable. You find yourself apologizing over and over for things that were minor.

I am happy to say I am single and I am healing from 12 years of being with my ex-husband who is abusive. Healing isn’t an easy thing and you’ll find it yourself that sometimes you waiver. Sometimes you find out that you absolutely need the abuser to live. I am evidence of that. That is simply not true. You need the support of those around you as a support network of family, friends and someone you can talk to. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to call the abuse hotline in your area. Normally that is at the YMCA-YWCA.

Whatever you do do not feel embarrassed or ashamed make a phone call and talk to a confidential counselor. Get their opinion. While on the phone you can laugh,cry tell them if you’re scared and say what you really feel. Now, this does not mean that you’ll get out of the abusive relationship right away. But there are resources to help you realize the pattern or cycle that’s going on and hopefully lead you towards leaving or putting money away so that you can leave and you’re no longer stranded with an abuser who claims to love you.

And in my case my abuser was also my user. He knew how to take, he knew how to demand, he knew how to scare me, he knew how to comfort me after abuse and most of all he knew how to keep me. I had no money and no way to get away. I have finally decided that after being married for six years, divorced from him, and gotten back together three times, it’s time to give up and live my life. We live separately we are friends but there is no potential for abuse because if he stops at my house he has to go home. The abuse happened when things mounted, financial problems stress, there is always a precursor that happened.

Talk to someone, tell them how you feel, you deserve to get help get out of the situation and get your self-esteem back. I wrote this article not only for women but men also because abuse does happen to men if it’s not reported as much.

If you’re not ready to leave, because you’re scared, you are normal. At least make one phone call to an abuse hotline to talk to someone about it. If you’re feeling that you know you’re crazy, an abuse counselor knows that you’re not. What I did when I really needed to talk to someone, was I went for a ride in my truck and I called the hotline and I had a silent place to talk and get a piece of mind. This took pressure off my shoulders and allowed me to cope better with the situation.

I realize that I protected my abuser, not wanting to believe the things he did to me. I remember getting out the ice pack and putting it on my wrist that he had twisted until he couldn’t anymore.

I remember going to the doctor with the bruised rear end from being thrown off the bed after being held down to where I couldn’t breathe. Extreme fear glowed through me.

If you need any assistance in obtaining an abuse phone number, please contact me at dawn532@yahoo.com and I will be more than glad to find you a number in your area of someone to talk to you about your abuse. You are not alone, the problem is not you, the problem is your abuser’s need to control you and abuse you to survive.

On that note I will in this article and I hope that those of you who even if you put up with a little bit of abuse stop and rethink your life because you’re worth more than the abuse. You’re smart, you’re logical, you have self-esteem even though it might be low right now you are a person with your own mind and you can live independently with help.

God Bless You!
Krisvaas

100 Followers! Thank you!

Thank you so much to you, my readers! Together we have reached 100 followers. While I am not normally a numbers person, I believe this is quite impressive!

Communication, reading and writing make the world go around!

Celebrate with me 100 followers!

We’ll keep caring and sharing!

Thank you so much!
Krisvaas

Grant Me Patience

Dear God,

I ask you to remind me
Even things don’t go my way,
It takes patience for good things to happen, that not everything comes I’m a hurry. That any kind of growth
be it spiritual, emotional or physical takes time and lots of patience.

I ask you to open my eyes and help me notice things around me that have grown and prospered. I know that in time things change and this requires time as well as patience.

One day my children will be grown and I will grow older. Teach me Lord to have patience with others around me and to do your will.

Amen

Have an awsome day!
Krisvaas

Are You Really Alone?

Are you really alone? Do you live alone like I do? Do you sometimes feel like you’re the only one that understands what’s going on? You’re not really alone. Our God is looking down upon you and sees everything and will make it right in his own time.

It is tempting that when things get rough we either deal with them or internalize them and they service later. With cabin fever season coming out it’s easy to stay at home and do something. A person must get themselves to get up and do something accomplished something even as with a simple thing every day I come bad cabin fever. Otherwise it’s easy to leave eight and exist. With cooler weather, it’s possible we wouldn’t see people for days unless we go to the store but it’s cool things we need to do.

One of my favorites is a visit the library to pick out a book that I really like to read. Then when I have to Stan, I have a book to read, something to keep my mind on, and I don’t get depressed and cabin fever stays away. I challenge you to look at your life, have you ever isolating yourself because of problems going on in your life and no one would understand. This is what it what makes a person feel very alone. But are you really alone?

A few thoughts for you to think about is the weather gets cooler it gets dark earlier and we don’t see people as much as we do when it’s warmer outside.

Have an awesome day!
Krisvaas

   I hear the the Robins chirping. I see the tree branches move for providing a breeze. I hear the sounds of nature and feel the fresh air around me. here in Wisconsin we don’t often have days that are kind of muggy, but yet there’s a breeze in the air. I am thankful for today… it is the day I will finish moving into my own new apartment, as a single woman, ready for what comes my way. If you would’ve asked me a few weeks ago about what was to come, I probably would have told you I don’t know and shown us :-( with my confusion. God has guided me to where I am now. Andre when you allow God to prevail, he sent you straight and shows you a path where he wants you to go. He assured you that he will take care of you and that you are safe. with his reassurance, I can’t go wrong.

   I have love in my life and God to lead the way. 

    We all have a past with both good and bad memories. It is my belief that each and every part of your past, including since you were an infant (as they say we remember things from age 2 on) until now, makes you who you you are today.

Life And Goals

What is life really about for you? What do you value? Is about having material things and having money? Of course we want to live comfortably and afford our lifestyle. That’s only human nature. But what really is the purpose that drives you and makes it worse starting another day?

I know family values are very important to a lot of you. The others giving their children a good life is important. Still the others it’s giving their children or adults children a good chance at a great education in college. If any of these describes you I applaud you. You have great goals in place. It is her children that will make her future and you’re investing in it.

Still others of us just want to get by having a comfy life and being able to afford our bills and save a little. Others are furthering themselves and changing to a different career. It is been said that you change careers five times in your life. And I have to say I agree with that.

Whatever goals you might have there’s a road ahead of you. Let me incurred you to stay on that road because you will reach those goals. If it’s in your head or heart and you deeply believe it’s something you want you will reach those goals. Each day challenge yourself to a small goal, a goal of eating less, A goal of treating yourself to something special, maybe spending more time with your children, maybe being more outgoing than you have been.

I’ve noticed in my life that over the past couple months I am not as outgoing as I used to be. After going through a break up I am not as outgoing as I used to be. I have been more to myself thinking that I need to deal with these things all at once. When in reality little by little things will get easier. When I’m occupied things get easier. Goals get easier to obtain.

We can to tend to turn inward when things are rough. And maybe for a while we could setting goals. Somehow we can get back on her feet turn to those that we know will be supportive to us and begin again as setting goals.

When You Can’t Sleep

Not being able to sleep can be bothersome and cumbersome. Here are a few ways that you can possibly use when you’re unable to sleep.
A hot bath will soothe you and it’s been proven it when your body temperature is raised the more it is raise the more tired you will become.
Do something you like to do such as reading or writing and this will relax your brain sound so you’re able to gear down. When I can’t sleep some nights, I get up and I take ibuprofen and I’m able to follow sleep again you to maybe lack of pain.

There are many reasons you might not be able to sleep. Some of them being worry, stress, finances, pain and many other reasons. I have heard that it is not suggested for you to just lay in bed when you can’t sleep. Different specialist suggested you get up out of bed for at least 10 minutes get a glass of milk walk around and maybe then return to bed to try to get to sleep.

I hope this helps when you can’t sleep and you’re looking for ideas to help you get back to dreamland.

God is Alive

Tonight I want to tell you what a dear friend said to me today. It really made me think, touch me and almost had me crying. I’m talking about a woman who is 60 and just got out of the hospital from having pneumonia and is having a struggle getting her health and strength back.

She is a wonderful soul. She knows God and she lives by God’s word. She said a prayer out loud among the others. I have never done this and feel awkward doing this, but I admire her for having the faith to pray among others who might think she’s strange answer silent and eating.

What really caught my ears is how she talk to God. She said God help me I just I’m trying and I’m trying to get better and you given me so much and there are people out in this world that need so much more than I and here I am thinking about myself.
She reference our world today and how people may God and how there’s problems in the world and asked him to heal people. What a wonderful face she possesses.

Celebrate The Elderly

This month I celebrate my eighth month of working with the elderly in assisted living. My work has not been without challenge but it has been most rewarding. Each day that I work with the elderly I get a new perspective on things. Today, one of the ladies asked me if it was going to snow tonight. Later she asked if it was going to rain. As you may have anticipated she deals with dementia. She is such a charm to be around, light spirited and the like. One catches on to this fact when she begins to discuss Christmas and believes its Winter time.

Then there’s Mabel, who worries about being a bother or causing anybody any trouble. She is 95 years and of sound mind. A charm to all, Mabel grew up on a farm during the Great Depression. She appreciates pretty much any meal she eats. She often tells me that there was food on the table when she was a child but they never had much. She told me they ate what they had because her dad could not afford much and they made use of what they had.
The elderly are truly amazing! Celebrate them with me!